get off the internet, my friend tells me,
and meet somebody in a goddam grocery store for once

but I’m ordering from peapod anyway, I say,
and I run into them
or they run into me
because they did a search for left-handed lesbian albino Eskimo midgets
and for some reason my profile came up

a cartoon pin-up girl where my picture belongs
and yes, 'short and sweaty' is my real name

sure I get some weirdos
probably the same type you’d run into at a bar

last night I had a man tell me,
soy un vampiro
quiero tu cuello

having studied Spanish I have the advantage of
being subject to the internet’s dark side in two languages
at least he’s direct, straightforward
he’s a vampire with an interest in my neck
what guy would come up to you in Osco and say that?

he goes on about his plans to hunt me down, to
drain the last drop of crimson blood from my
trembling body

I become nervous
fumbling with the mouse
to add him to my list of ignored users

his font gets larger OYE OYE!!
QUE DIOS TE BENDIGA
the letters bulge and nearly drip and

click

he is gone

try that some night at last call when you come
out of the bathroom
and yes he is still there and your friends are
all outside already
and his font is getting larger, turning red

click

so yes the internet is dangerous
when you make yourself too vulnerable
like grandma’s house is dangerous
when she makes you eat that one more meatball
like water-skiing is dangerous
when you don’t make proper use of safety techniques

but you are careful and it’s usually ok
you don’t use your real name, or send your real photo

hey, if they want to think I look like bjork, that’s cool

if you meet, you meet in public, crowded, lighted areas
but do be careful

or you may find yourself laughing or crying
with someone you will never see
or browsing online personals for an hour
under the pretense that you’re doing research for this poem
and finding that you can’t stop looking down the
lists of photos, names, hobbies, dreams, desires, fetishes

or thinking suddenly of something someone said in email
while you are wandering around the grocery store
and leaving your cart in the middle of the pasta aisle
where a cute girl strains to reach a jar of Prego
and going outside to send an urgent text message
from your web-enabled cellular phone

I think I just saw you
unlikely, since you’re in another time zone
unlikely, since I don’t know what you look like
but the way her tongue stuck out
as she stood on tiptoe with her arm outstretched
looked just like you when you type : p

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