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lies damn lies statistics |
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I Hate My Job Part 3: The Club Drugs Seminar (read Part 1 Part 2) by Miss Lady J. author info The whole school staff is assembled in the theater. We are provided with coffee, bagels and donuts to ensure that we don’t fall asleep through the announcements and this mornings presentation which is brought to us by Dr. Mario who is a shrink - woops I mean psychologist - that works with adolescents at a treatment center. He is going to bring us up to date on Club Drugs. Oh goodie. He begins his power point presentation that is titled ” Helping Your Teens Before It Is Too Late.” I decide to take notes because this has the potential to be truly enlightening. Dr. Mario tells us that most of the kids he sees in treatment are there because of marijuana which just so you know is addictive and that it is his job as a psychologist to alter peoples perceptions in a good way not in a drug way. Especially teens who think that it is okay to smoke pot and everyone is getting high. Okay I don’t know where to start here. Number one, it is okay to smoke pot; Number two, everyone is getting high and if they are not they should be. Number three, I would much rather have my perceptions alter by a drug than this supposed Doctor who has obviously never done one in his life and doesn’t have a clue that when taken responsibly they are actually really enjoyable. Too bad I don’t have any brownies on me. Then I could play Doctor and alter his perceptions. Dr. Mario states that drugs are now more accessible, more potent and cheaper. Cheaper? I can only assume that my previous statement is correct and that this man has never purchased any illicit drug ever. What a tight ass. The blather continues in this vein until he mentions the socio-economic and political impact on families. The teens he sees come form homes where both parents are working hard so that they can drive their gigantic gas guzzling SUV around while they shop and leave their children unsupervised ( these kids also receive little in the way of genuine love and emotional support, but have a lot of designer shit). The reason these teens are smoking so much pot is that they are looking for an exciting way to deal with their boredom. Dr. Mario is very much so out of touch. He continues with his diatribe by claiming that it is not just poor inner city kids and by this he means kids who aren’t white but rich white kids in the suburbs who are doing drugs. He describes this phenomenon as “ frightening”. Black kids in the city getting high who cares. Rich white kids in the suburbs, Houston we have a problem. This moron has the unmitigated gall to call himself a Doctor, give me a fucking break. The next topic is alcohol. According to Dr. Mario having five or more drinks at one time is binge drinking. I want to ask him if that includes shots or is he counting just drinks. I decide to keep my big mouth shut and keep taking notes. He warns the staff that we should “ check our own attitudes about alcohol” I’d drink more if I didn’t already have an ulcer from listening to fucking idiots like this tell me how to help my students before it’s too late. I guess checking our own attitudes about alcohol means no more once a month happy hour at the bar that I was so looking forward to and the cash bar at the staff holiday part forget it . Damn you, Dr. Mario. My favorite was when he says that responsible drinking is not drinking before the age of 21. This guy is living in La la Land if he thinks that people actually refrain from drinking until 21. That’s what makes underage drinking so much fun - it is against the law. The informative seminar continues as he goes through a list of Club Drugs. GBH, ecstasy, roofies, cocaine and heroin. Dr. Mario says that use of heroin has increased four times from 1985 to 1996. Too fucking bad it is the year 2003 and data from 1996 is essentially meaningless. I think if we really want kids to see the horrors of heroin and addiction in general we should just show then Requiem for A Dream and be done with it. Finally he finishes by reminding us that there is a certain look associated with certain drug use.
I leave the theater wondering how much this idiot got paid to explain to us how we as educators can help our teens before it’s too late. Hey I have an idea - how about being honest? Now if you will excuse me I’m gonna go have a drink or two or three maybe even five. |
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Miss Lady J. is the goddess of all things aquatic, the tall blonde queen of vodka, Salsa Verde de la Casa Verde and an advice columnist to boot. She is a graduate of the prestigious Wendy Ward School of Modeling. Many folks think of her as a muse. All material copyright the authors, printed with permission.
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